


Diplomatic Immunity

by nickofhearts



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: M/M, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-13 07:46:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10509414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickofhearts/pseuds/nickofhearts
Summary: Ardyn is aterribleinfluence on Noctis. He pays for it dearly.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreamingcicadas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingcicadas/gifts).



" _You fucking asshole!!_ " Noct screamed into his phone. "You degenerate whoreson!!!! You're going to _burn in hell_ for fucking eternity _and beyond._ "

Prompto stopped in the middle of the doorway, donut half in his mouth, and stared.

"Ardyn keyed the Regalia," Ignis answered the unspoken question, flipping the newspaper he was reading to the next page. "Spending time with him has done wonders for your vocabulary," he remarked to Noct when Noct finally hung up the phone and threw himself into an overly ornate chair.

Noct grunted, snatching the bag of breakfast pastries Prompto had set on the table after he'd recovered from his shock.

-

The next morning, they were all sat at the table again, enjoying a quiet breakfast when what felt like an _explosion_ rocked the building. Car alarms went off and there were people yelling in a foreign language outside, but Noct only smiled a slow beautiful smile, brighter than the sun.

"Wha—?" Prompto asked, with wide eyes.

"Relax Prom," Noct told him cheerfully. "It's only a _dear old thing._ "

Noct's phone was ringing insistently on the table, but Noct ignored it in favour of finishing the raspberry tart he was having for breakfast. He licked the lingering traces of sweetness off his fingers before finally deigning to answer the phone that had been ringing for going on twenty minutes with a bored little, "mmmm?"

The person screaming on the other side was loud enough that Prompto sitting at the opposite end of the table could almost make out the words.

Noct waited for them to pause for breath and said airily. "Diplomatic immunity, motherfucker. No one _died._ "

There was more screaming, followed by Noct murmuring in a low tone. "That _would_ be a declaration of war, _Chancellor._ "

Prompto glanced nervously at Ignis, wondering if they were going to have to make a quick exit from Niflheim, but Ignis seemed mostly unconcerned. Prompto relaxed until the door to the dining room suddenly slammed open, and Ardyn pointed at finger at Noct, snarling, " _You._ With me. _Now._ "

Noct shrugged, picking up another pastry as he took his sweet time getting out of his seat, stopping to brush flecks of sugar crystals off his t-shirt.

 _Prompto_ felt like his heart was going to burst from the tension in the room that was ratcheting up every second Noct stalled, but Noct only slouched insouciantly as he made his way over to the doorway, and then it was slammed again in their faces.

"Is he...gonna be...okay?" Prompto asked Ignis with great concern.

Ignis snorted before picking up his coffee. "I'm sure _Noct_ will be fine. I'm less certain about the upholstery in the hallway."

Prompto took a sip of his orange juice, accepting the answer, and then choked and spat it all over himself as he suddenly realized the implications of Ignis' blandly delivered statement.

-

Prompto took a step into their room and gaped...at the cleanliness of it. The mess he and Noct had accumulated over their month-long stay was gone, everything neatly tidied up, but _so were all their things._

"Um????" Prompto squeaked.

Noct strode over to the closet doors, slapping the panel that made them open, and they were both silent as they took in the destruction. The monochromatic array of casual wear that _had_ filled it had been completely replaced with lavish _elegant_ clothing in all shades, the types of which Noct had probably never worn in his _life,_ much to the ire of anyone with an eye for propriety.

Prompto nearly fainted when he pulled open a drawer and realized _even their underwear_ had been replaced with silky— _were those thongs?!?!_ —sleek pieces.

"N-Noct?" Prompto asked, when it looked like Noct was having conniptions, leaning against the wall as his shoulders shook violently.

He only realized it was Noct _laughing_ when Noct gasped out—"Your _face,_ Prompto."

Prompto glared. "Aren't you...upset?"

Noct shrugged, picking out a tasteful dinner jacket and the undershirt to match. "Nah," he answered. "This is gonna be _fun._ "

-

Prompto had been _incredibly_ nervous about the full state dinner that had been arranged for the evening, but he soon realized he needn't have worried. No one was paying attention to _him_ when all eyes were on Noct. Noct who had been moaning for about five minutes straight, head thrown back and eyes closed in ecstacy as—Prompto could only assume that Ardyn had been giving him a handjob, or a footjob, or _whatever_ under the table, from the way he was smirking at Noct from his seat across the way.

" _Chancellor Izunia,_ " the Emperor's voice came from the other end of the dining hall, perfectly audible in the deafening silence that had fallen. "Would you care to escort the young prince back to his rooms? He appears to be _most unwell._ "

Ardyn stood with a bow, moving around the table to stand next to Noct with an arm outstretched, the perfect example of a gentleman.

Noct blinked, as if suddenly realizing that he was going to have to stand, and that it was going to be quite clear exactly what kind of unwell he _was._ Prompto hurriedly stripped off his jacket and shoved it at _his former best friend_ without being asked, because he was never talking to Noct again after this, there was _no way,_ so much blood had rushed to his face that his head was probably going to _explode_ —

Noct smiled at him, muttering a quick, "thanks Prom," and Prompto felt all of his resolutions crumble as Noct stood and artistically draped the jacket over the arm he was holding over his front.

"You're a horrible friend," Prompto grumbled as Noct exited the room, presumably to spend the _rest_ of the evening engaging in even more salaciousness with the unfairly hot Imperial Chancellor, and getting in more trouble that he was only absolved of because of their blanket "diplomatic immunity."

Ignis patted him on the back. "You're a better friend than Noctis deserves, Prompto."

"Damn right," Prompto growled into his soup.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompto jolted awake in the middle of the night to the sounds of—"Oh my _gods_ Noct, are you _serious?!?!_ "
> 
> He slammed out of the room in a rage, in silken pajamas that left nothing to the imagination, fuck you very much Ardyn, he wanted his chocobo onesie back, but he had a distinct feeling that the sad little pile of charred remains on the driveway outside their room was all that was left of what _had_ been their entire wardrobe.
> 
> "Ignis!" Prompto hissed, knocking on the door in what he hoped was loud enough to wake Ignis, but not loud enough to wake anyone else. "Ignis, let me in!"
> 
> Prompto sighed in relief as he heard the locks being unbarred. 
> 
> "Prompto?" a _monster_ greeted him, its face a violent amorphous green, eyes multi-sectioned like a bug's.
> 
> Prompto _shrieked_ , clutching his chocobo plushie to his chest in terror, and all the lights in the corridor clicked on as various grumbling dignitaries poked their heads out of their rooms to see what the fucking commotion was.


End file.
